It seems like all spells of intense thinking come at night, oftentimes when you should be asleep. Tonight is no exception.
It's been a roller coaster of a month. There has been laughter, tears, and many, uh, let's call them interesting situations that have presented me with the opportunity for both. And beside me through all f it has been my family.
For me, leaving family is the hardest part of going. And I don't just have family in one place, either. I have family in the place I was born. I was blessed enough to be able to go visit them a little while ago. It was wonderful and exciting and absolutely exhausting. I was there for a little over a week but it felt like a month-in a good way. We just crammed a month's worth of activities into a week's visit. It was hard to leave them and not know when I'll be able to see them again. But it was so much fun to be able to spend time catching up.
I have family in the place where my parents and siblings live. One set of grandparents are nearby and some cousins too. It's the place that I return to, the place that I grew up, and the place where my opposite-of-extended-family is. (I know the term is "nuclear family" but it's just not descriptive enough.) My siblings were my playmates and fellow adventurers. We made forts, created stories, argued, and learned how to share. The family that I have here is the family that I know the most, the one that I've known nearly all my life.
And there is other family for me here too. There are people that I've known since I was very little, people that I've talked with and associated with for (what is to me) a long time. In a way, these people too are family.
There are the girls that became sisters to me, through shared experiences and the sharing of confidences. They're my family as well.
Then there are the people that I've met since moving out to college. Roommates, friends, people from my wards, even leaders. There are more people that have become part of my family in the past few years. They were hard to leave as well.
This parting was probably the most difficult for me. Before, we were all scattering, or in the case of my family back home, they'll always be the people that I return to, for holidays, family parties, visits . . . . This time, however, it was me leaving them. They were staying with each other, or at least close. This time, I was the one leaving with the possibility of not having my family there when I return.
I know that there are so many wonderful things in the future but a large part of me doesn't want to give up our late nights, adventures, heart-to-hearts, moments of silliness, support, and love that we created. But I had to, and that made it hard.
It may be a cliché, but it's certainly a true one: Home is not so much a place, as it is people. People are where I find my home and right now, my home is split. It's split between the new and the old, between the people that are family by blood and the people that are family by virtue of being "kindred spirits." I have so many places that have family.
It's hard to always be separated from some of my family, to have the cravings for some replaced by the missing of others but what outweighs the grief of missing them is the joy that I have in them. I have been so blessed to have been surrounded wherever I am with people that I can consider family. I have been surrounded with love and opportunities and so, so blessed with the people in my life.
There are so people, so many of you that I miss. I wish I could talk to each of you personally, and spend time hearing about your life and what you're doing, what you've been up to. I can't but I hope you know that I appreciate each of you. Each of my family members and my friends means a lot to me.
On this earth, there will never be a time when I will be able to be surrounded by all of those I love and care for. This could bring me great pain, but I think that it is part of an incredible blessing. It means that no matter where I am, I will have family with me. No matter where I go, I will always never be without family. And that is one of the greatest blessings I think anybody could have.
Thank you for being a part of my life, for the adventures great or small that we've shared. I hope that there are more to come in the future. There are so many people to miss, but that is only because I have been blessed with a large and ever-growing family. I am so lucky to have an amazing family that brings me so much joy.
All my love,
Elicia
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