Daddy's Girl

I recently wrote a letter about my mother and today, it's time for me to write one about my dad.

My mother has been the one to stay home with us (the kids) but that doesn't mean that my dad hasn't been around. One of my favorite memories is of my ballet recitals. Not so much of the recitals themselves (they were fun though) but of what always happened afterward. After every dance recital, my dad would have a bouquet of flowers for me. Even when he couldn't make it himself, he always made sure that they'd be waiting for me, either with my mom or at home. That was something I could always count on: a bouquet of flowers followed by a big hug. It wasn't even the flowers that I loved (although they were always gorgeous and smelled fantastic) but what they meant. They meant that my dad appreciated and supported me in what I did.

One of my earliest memories is of my dad teaching me how to garden. I'm not sure which house it was at but I remember kneeling down in the dirt and having him show me how to push my finger into the dirt to make a little hole to put the seed in. I remember him teaching me about earthworms and how they're good for gardens, how snails aren't, and what I should and shouldn't pull up when I weeding. I remember him explaining all sorts of things about the garden to me and telling me that the dirt on my hands was okay and even necessary. I remember him teaching me.

I have some pretty silly memories, too. Memories like riding around on my dad's shoe while he walked around, getting him to play a monster, or having him help me make (and later clean up) couch cushion forts. He even has a whole repertoire of elephant jokes.

We have a long-standing tradition that Saturday mornings usually meant pancakes or waffles and watching This Old House. We did the kid's projects at Home Depot and Lowe's and we drove my fourth-grade teacher crazy because Dad would teach me something about my math homework that the class wouldn't get to for another week.

When I got older, he made sure I knew how to run and MacGyver electronics (one of his specialties) and started having me help on car projects so I that even if I never really understood all of the mechanics, I at least could change the oil and not be taken by someone dishonest. Thanks to my dad, I know that "wobbling pin bushings" are not something that exist in a car engine and I know how to change a tire. (Loosen the bolts before you lift the tire up, otherwise it just spins around like a pinwheel)

And the point to all of this? The point is that I have a great dad and that without both of my parents, I would not have been able to progress as far as I have. I wouldn't have my strange sense of humor (or my sense of direction) and I wouldn't have had as many opportunities to learn. So thank you, Dad. Thanks for teaching me, even when I protested about having to look at the transmission again. Thanks for being around, for giving me hugs, and for making sure that I know you love me. I've been so blessed in both my parents and even though we've had our differences, I know that I can count on them. Thank you, Dad, for all of the sacrifices you've made and all the work that you've put into being a father.

Love,
Elicia

Forum 11-The Unequal Distribution of Talents

Many of us have heard the parable from Matthew chapter 25 where three servants are given different amounts of money and instructed to take care of it. When their master comes back, he asks them to account for their stewardship. I could go on to tell the rest of the story, but I won't. I just want to talk about a particular verse that intrigued me, verse 15.

Verse 15 reads: "And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey."

Why would the master give his servants different amounts of money? He gave them "according to [their] several ability". He gave them the talents personalized to each of them. He gave them what they could manage, what they could handle.

The thing about parables is that they are meant to be applied. Insofar as I see it, the master would be God, and the servants would be us. So is it true that he has given us different amounts of "talents"? Absolutely! But isn't that unfair? Nope! How can that be? Wouldn't it be fairer to give each of the servants, each of us, the same number of "talents"? Definitely not.

See, when we are given a talent, whether that be a literal talent or something more like an attribute, we have responsibility for it. That whole "don't hide your candle under a bushel" thing means that we are supposed to use our talents, supposed to exercise and develop them. So how does this make unequal distribution fair? Simple. Some people can handle more than others. Some people are better off developing a range of talents while others are better at focusing on one thing. The package of talents that God has given us is custom made for us, designed to best suit who we are and who we are supposed to become. Really, it would be cruel to hand out equal portions and expect everyone to do equally well with them.

But God isn't cruel. He's loving and generous and knows us and knows just what we need and what will bless us. So the next time you see someone who seems to have ever talent imaginable, first off, that doesn't make them better than you. They're different but no more and no less than you. Second, remember that there's probably some talent you have that they envy.

When the master asked for a stewardship account, he gave the same praise to the servant that was given two talents as he did to the servant who was given five. It didn't matter that one was given more than the other, both were faithful and so both were rewarded. In the end, it isn't how much we've been given, it's how much we've served and how loyal we've been.

What a comfort. There's no need to compare myself and what I've been given to others and what they've been given because it isn't a competition! I'm going to be compared to me, to what I've been and who I've become. I have the comfort of knowing that as long as I as develop and use my talents responsibly, I too can have the chance to hear "well done, good and faithful servant". I have the comfort of knowing that I haven't and won't ever be given more than I can work with. I am capable. And that is an inspiring thought.

Forum 6-Our Emotions, Our Choices

For some reason, all of my "Forum" letters haven gotten mixed up....ah well, onto the subject at hand.

Every child justifies their anger at some point by saying “But he/she made me mad!”. The only problem with this method of thinking is that it implies that you don’t have control of your own emotions and that therefore, the emotions that you experience are brought about by other people. While your emotions can certainly be influenced by people, you are the one who ultimately has control over them.

One emotion that is often hard to control is the feeling of being offended. But like all other emotions, I believe that it is a choice. You can be offended by someone or something but it is up to you to decide how to react. Dealing with offence is difficult, but I think that it is also one of the true tests of our character.

In Matthew 11:6, Christ states that “blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me”. My personal interpretation of this is that we are blessed when we make the choice to forgive our offenders. That is what Christ would do and did do. Even when He was suffering on the cross and the soldiers were jeering and mocking Him, He chose to forgive them. He chose not to become angry or bitter or to mock them in return.

Christ is to be our example, and it is through emulating Him that we better ourselves as well as our relationships with other people. Forgiving and choosing not to be offended can be difficult, sometimes almost impossible, but in order to follow Christ, that is what must be done. Ultimately, I believe that when we are able to follow Christ’s example in this, we are happier. As a result of not being dragged down by negative emotions. When we choose not to be offended, we are truly blessed in so many ways and are able to come closer to Christ.

Love,
Elicia

In Tribute to Friendship

Friends are awesome things (and people too). They never cease to amaze me and I am so incredibly grateful for them.

I have a good memory and while I don't remember everything, I tend to remember the people I encounter. I've had so many friends in my life and it's been such a blessing. Each friendship had been unique, no one quite like the other. It makes sense, since no two people are exactly alike but it never stops making an impression on me.

Even acquaintances have influenced me. We all have that one person that we didn't know very well that said or did that one thing that's stayed with you and I'm no exception to that.

People seem to have an inclination to make friends. If you're anything like me, you tend to gravitate towards people that are like you. But in the miracle of friendship, I soon discover that they're nothing like me at all, that while we share interests, we are very different people. And I don't mind that. Making friends is actually a really fascinating process to me. I meet a stranger and I pretty much always find that I have something in common with them. But despite how similar their tastes may be to mine, they're always so different from me! Infinite combinations of traits and tastes to make up a personality....No two people are exactly alike. That always amazes me.

Every once in a while, life throws me a curve ball and since I can't play sports anyway, this really throws me for a loop. This curve ball comes in the form of a friend who is so different from me that I never imagined that we could have anything in common and yet, we work well together. Our differences serve not to keep us apart, but to actually bring us together in mutual curiosity.

Some of my best friends have been made that way. One of the miracles of friendship is that you never know what you're going to get. Even when you've known the person just short of forever, there's always something about them to surprise you. Keeps things interesting that way.

Another thing that amazes me about friendship is the ability to care. Wherever I go, I've been able to make friends. And no matter how many friends I had before, I always have room to care about this new friend as well. Not only that, but they care about me too. There's never some maximum fill level for friendship.

I'm so grateful for my friends. They've gotten me through hard times, laughed with me, cared for and about me, and generally added sunshine (and craziness :) ) into my life. I can't imagine living life without the company of friends who do everything from join me in mutual silliness, comfort me when I cry, go blackberrying in flip flops (you know who you are!), and rescue me when I get stuck behind doors with only one handle...on the outside. Friendship is one of the greatest things about living and I'm grateful for those who have made room in their hearts for me. Thank you for all of the good times and all of the memories. You'll always have a place in my heart.

Love,
Elicia

Forum 10-Beyond the Grave

I have to say that I absolutely loved studying Matthew 22. I highly encourage you to go read it. There's so much good stuff!

As an member of the LDS faith, I believe in a world beyond this life, a place were the spirits of the dead and of those waiting to be born reside. I believe in the eventual resurrection of our spirits to reunite with our bodies in a perfected state. I believe that we lived with our Father in Heaven as spirits before we came to Earth and that when we die, we return to Him.

This belief is a source of great comfort to me, knowing that I will be able to one day see the ones I love who have passed on. It is comforting to me to know that they are not gone forever, that our separation is temporary.

Matthew 22: 32 states that "God is the God of the dead, but of the living". It never ceases to amaze me, the way that the same passage can bring different things to mind whenever I reread it. Reading it this time brought to mind the Plan of Salvation (for more information: http://mormon.org/beliefs/plan-of-salvation) and how those who we perceive of as being dead, are not truly dead but are alive in Christ. They may be dead physically, but their spirit lives on and we can one day be reunited with them.

One of my fears has always been of losing my family for one reason or another but I know that whatever happens, I will able to see them again. I know that no matter what happens, we can all have the opportunity to be with the ones we love, even after death claims them. God has created a plan for our happiness and that plan includes family and friends. I believe with all my heart that God loves us and has made provisions for our earthly and eternal happiness. I believe that the ones we love continue to exist beyond our capacity to observe. Heaven wouldn't be heaven without families and so I am so very grateful that I will be able to be with mine forever.

Love,
Elicia

Forum 9-Love Thy Neighbor

When the lawyer questions Jesus on what he must do to gain eternal life in Luke 10, Christ refers back to the law from that, we get the famous exchange:

"[Jesus] said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?"

"And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself." (Luke 10: 26-27, italicization mine)

This scripture is often cited and used in lessons on charity and service. It stands as a reminder that we should love everyone around us, for everyone in some way is our neighbor.

But in reading through this passage in preparation for New Testament class the other day, it stuck me that we are supposed to love them as well as we love ourselves. We always talk about the great love we should bear towards others but have we ever stopped to think about what this scripture says about how we should view ourselves?

We have all these grand (and good) ideas of how we should view and treat others but have we tried applying them ourselves? How often do we find ourselves thinking negatively about our appearance, our abilities, what we're trying to accomplish? Why don't we treat ourselves like we're supposed to treat other people? Why don't we give ourselves the same kind of compassion that we bestow on others?

We tend to look for the good and the potential for good in others but deny it in ourselves. Don't forget that you're incredible too! You are a child of God with divine potential, your "own spark of divine fire" as Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady puts it. In a non-narcissistic way, take some time to appreciate yourself and your individual characteristics and personality traits. You are amazing, I can guarantee it! There is no one that can take your place. So make sure you fill it well!

I think if you took the time to consciously be kinder to ourselves, we might also be kinder to the people around us. I mean, think about it, if you didn't disparage your appearance, you wouldn't be jealous of someone else's, meaning that you would probably be kinder to them and able to give sincere compliments that could have the potential to improve their day! That's just one small example.

I believe the world needs more kindness, more compassion. So why not start with yourself? Next time you resolve to be kinder, don't forget to include yourself. Learn to love yourself and I think you'll have an even greater capacity to love others, to truly love your neighbor as yourself.

Love,
Elicia

Forum 5-Learning From A Leper

There are so many reasons that I love the story of Christ healing the leper after giving His Sermon on the Mount. First, consider the leper: We don't even know his name. All we know is that he suffered from leprosy. More than likely, that's all anyone who was there really knew about him. His disease had become his identity and he was an outcast. He was no longer considered a person, only a potential source of plague. He was alone and he was suffering, mentally, emotionally, and definitely physically.

And yet, he "came...and worshiped [Christ], saying Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean" (Matt 8:2). He came and before Christ had done anything for him, before he knew whether or not he would be healed, the man worshiped Christ. He had total devotion and faith before he received any blessings. He worshiped Christ regardless of the outcome ahead.

He had faith that Christ could heal him. He called Him "Lord" and recognized Him for who He was-the Son of God. The leper man knew who Christ was and he believed with all his heart that he could be healed. He had faith that the impossible could happen. He believed in Christ and His saving power with his whole heart.

He said "if thou wilt". He did not demand, he did not expect. He knew that Christ could heal him and it must have been the greatest and deepest desire of his heart to be clean and whole again, to be able to go back into society, to be able to see his family and friends again, and to have the physical pain of the disease stopped. Yet, he did not beg or plead or demand. He revealed his greatest need and turned his will over to God's and Christ's. He was willing to accept that there was a possibility that even though Christ had the power to heal him, that He might not for reasons of His own. He accepted that meekly and was willing to submit to whatever his Savior saw fit to do. He had such faith that not only did he believe that he could be healed, he believed that God's plan was greater than his personal desires.

And how did Jesus respond? "Jesus put forth his hand and touched him, saying, I will: be thou clean" (Matt 8:3) Jesus didn't have to touch him. He could have just said "be thou clean". He didn't even need to say anything. He could have just healed him without moving or saying anything. But He reached out and touched this man who had leprosy. This man had probably been without any sort of physical affection for a long time as a result of his disease. No one without the disease would touch him and it was probably to painful for those who were afflicted to do so. Christ put forth his hand in blessing, a sign of His affection and love and most likely one of the only affection that had been shown to him for years. Christ not only healed the leper of his leprosy, He healed him of spiritual wounds as well. When Christ looked at the man, he saw not just the disease, but the man suffering behind it. He had compassion on one scorned by the rest of the world and healed him, body and spirit.

When I read this story, I try to imagine myself in the leper's place. Would I have that kind of faith? Would I be able to endure all that he had endured and still believe? Would I have the faith to be healed? Would I be able to trust in God so completely? Am I able to turn my will over to God's today?

I also imagine myself as part of the crowd who watched. Would I have shunned him too? Would I have been able to see past the disease to the suffering man? Am I able to that today? When I look at those around me, am I able to look past whatever their outward appearance may be and have compassion on the struggling spirit inside?

In studying this moment of Christ's recorded life, I am inspired by the absolute faith and trust of the man who came and sought Christ to heal him and by Christ's compassionate response in return. I am inspired to put my whole trust in my Savior and I am inspired to have more compassion. The powerful messages contained in these three verses have touched my heart and I hope that they can touch yours as well.

Forum 4-Every Little Step

The command “be ye therefore perfect” has always been intimidating (Matt 5:48). How am I, a mortal, supposed to be perfect? I make mistakes, everyone does. It’s part of being a mortal, a human. How would I even go about becoming perfect?

In my New Testament class, we studied Christ’s “Sermon on the Mount” in terms of it being steps on our path to perfection. We’re all familiar with the form of the Sermon of the Mount: different blessings given to those with certain characteristics. But what if it isn’t just a list of blessings? What if it’s a list of instructions as well?

This was a new way for me to look at something I’d been taught about my whole life. But as we studied Matthew 5 in the context of being a set of steps, I was able to see a deeper level of teachings.

The first beatitude is “blessed are the poor in spirit”, followed by “they that mourn”, “the meek”, “they that do hunger and thirst after righteousness”, “the merciful”, “the pure in heart”, “the peacemakers”, and finally “they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake”. (Matt 5: 3-10) If we look at these as steps on the path of becoming perfect, we are first to become “poor in spirit”. While this could be taken to mean “humble”, I think that “meek” is closer to the definition of “humility”. I think that “poor in spirit” does require some degree of humility but as we discussed in class, I think that it means something more along the lines of realizing that you are meant to become perfect and seeing how far you are from that goal.

This step requires humility but when you realize the enormity of the gap between the potential you and where you are, that is truly humbling. Each step naturally leads to the other and so you progress along your path towards being a better you. But reaching the top step of hungering and thirsting after righteousness isn’t the end. After that, the scriptures refer to “they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”, which is the same reward promised to those who are poor in spirit.

In other words, moving through each of the attributes doesn’t mean that you’re perfect by the time you get to the “top step”. It doesn’t really work that way. But through the process of working on these attributes, we bring our lives into harmony with Christ’s teachings and God’s will to the point where we become perfected through Christ. Full perfection doesn’t come in this lifetime but in working to acquire these attributes, we become more like Christ. And that is how, for me, the command “be ye therefore perfect” ceases to be a source of stress and instead becomes an encouragement.

Forum 3-A Woman’s Place

How is a woman to act? How is she to dress, to speak, what is she to look like? How is she to be treated? All of these are questions that relate to women’s role in society and have been debated and discussed countless times by countless people. There has been a large variety of answers, some influenced by religion, some by cultural ideas and ideals, some by philosophy, and some by practicality. Despite the long length of time that these and other related questions have been discussed, there is still no unified consensus to be found.

I think that God’s attitude toward women reflects the broader questions that face women all over the world as they search for who they should be. John 2 contains the account of Jesus turning water into wine. One thing that has always bothered me about this account is the manner in which Jesus responds to his mother Mary’s request for help when she discovers that the wine has run out. According to the King James Bible, Christ’s response is “Woman, what have I to do with thee? Mine hour is not yet come” (John 2:4) What a condescending response! And to His mother, of all people! Such a response is very un-Christ-like. It doesn’t have any of His typical warmth and love and willingness to serve.

However, if you were to look at the Joseph Smith translation of this passage, Christ’s response is “Woman, what wilt thou have me to so for thee? That will I do; for mine hour is not yet come” (JST John 2:4). It’s incredible the difference the change of a few words can make. To me, this kind of response illustrates God’s attitude toward women. Christ doesn’t even hesitate. His first response is to ask how He can help and to say that whatever she needs, He will do. While this may not be uncharacteristic of Christ in general, it is what I learned about why Christ calls His mother “woman”.

In Greek, the word used for “woman” has the connotation of being almost a term of endearment. It carries the idea of high honor and regard. So in calling Mary “woman”, Jesus is using a word with affection and respect. That is how God views His daughters and that is how they are meant to be seen. The Bible is sometimes criticized for its treatment of women but this passage demonstrates the way God intends for women to be treated. He really does love us and respects and honors us more than we could ever know.

As humans it is all too easy to become critical and disparaging of both ourselves and others so seeing the tender way in which Christ treats everyone, especially His mother, is a much-needed reminder to be kind. If Jesus, the literal Son of God, feels and demonstrates such love and care for every person, we should too. We should emulate the unceasing patience, kindness, and goodwill found in Christ’s interactions with others. We should, as He commands, “love one another” as He has loved us” (John 13:34).

So I guess that in the end, a woman's place is a place of love, where she is loved and where she treats everyone else with love. In God's eyes, every woman is His beloved daughter and that is where she belongs.

Forum 1- "I Have A Work For Thee"

One of the assignments for the New Testament class that I’m taking this semester is a weekly forum about something that we've learned about so that we can both better apply the scriptures to our own life and share our insights with others. I’m choosing to share my thoughts via my blog or “letter series” as I prefer to think of it.

We were studying the writings of Moses in the Pearl of Great Price (for information on this book of scripture, click the following link: http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/introduction?lang=eng) when we read verse six in chapter 1: “And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son”. This really struck me. God is an all-powerful being and yet, He is giving Moses a task, part of God’s own work. Why? He’s God. He doesn't need people to do things for Him because He could just do them himself and more efficiently too. So why did God give this to Moses?

Part of God being God means that He is our Father. As such, He is our Parent and part of His role is to teach us. And how do we learn? We learn through experiences. So in giving Moses a work to do, God is giving him an opportunity to learn and grow. What incredible patience and what an example of good parenting.

Moses isn’t the only one for who God provides this kind of opportunity. He has given each of us tasks to complete while we are on Earth, tasks that even when they’re frustrating and difficult and hard, are designed to promote growth and teach us something in a way that we are best able to learn it.

That leads me to another thought that struck me. Not only does God entrust us with portions of His work so that we can grow, He knows us so well that He knows exactly what we need to learn and how best to teach us. He knows us individually. He loves us individually. We’re not just a collective group of people to Him; we are precious sons and daughters. Each of us matters to Him. We are literally His children. He said as such when he called Moses “my son”.

And so, I learned another lesson from this one simple piece of scripture. God cares for us. He cares for me and He cares for you. He sorrows when we sorrow and He rejoices when we rejoice. Our relationship with God should be deeply personal because there is a deeply personal connection. Think about it-you are a child of and important to the greatest, most powerful Being in the universe.

Whenever you feel sad or hurt, alone, tired, angry, etc., remember. Remember that you are a precious and valued son or daughter of the Most High. You are someone of importance and you have a work to do that has been entrusted to your care. You have been trusted to carry out a task for the Creator. You most definitely matter. Remember. Remember that you are a child of God.

One Of Those Kinds Of Moms

I had an experience a few weeks ago that really struck me while I was out shopping with my mom. My mom knows the manager so they were talking when a third woman came up and joined the conversation. She assumed that my mom knew the manager from working with her so she started asking if my mom worked for this or that company. With every "No" from my mom, the woman looked more and more puzzled until she finally asked "So where do you work?".

My mom, who hasn't held a company position since I was born, told her "I'm a stay-at-home mom". As soon as she heard this, the woman who, just seconds before had been enthusiastic about getting to know my mom, stopped, looked confused, and promptly lost interest in talking to her. The only thing she said was a faint "Oh". She even had a look of embarrassment on her face-not for her mistake, mind you, but for my mom, who had had to admit that she stayed at home with her children.

What struck me about this encounter is the immediate way in which this woman dismissed my mother, as if she couldn't have be of any interest or have anything intelligent to say, all because she didn't work outside of our home.

Reality is quite to the contrary. My mother is one of the most intelligent people I know. She not only went to college, she graduated with a degree. Although she may not have used that degree in a way that can be easily summarized on a resume, believe me, she has used it.

One of the things that I remember most about being little is playing with my mom. What is really important to me is what we played. I had an alphabet puzzle that she'd help me to do over and over again so that by the time I was one, I knew the letters of the alphabet. I had some plastic play food that she used to teach me rudimentary cooking skills. She'd take me to parks and let me explore and when I was three, she helped me to get my first library card of my own. She read countless books to me and fostered a love of learning. She made a game out of learning to sew by giving me scraps of fabric and buttons to decorate them.

Every day since I was born, she has educated me-and my siblings-in things both academic and practical. (Not to say that academics are not practical, I just can't think of an other way to distinguish the two.) My mother has raised us to have values and standards and to stick to them. She's raised us to think for ourselves and to desire to learn. She's raised us, supported her husband, helped manage our home, been an active participant in our church, and continue to pursue interests of her own. Oh, and did I mention that her degree is in psychology? I can guarantee that she has used that degree innumerable times. And I believe that she has used it effectively.

My mom is an amazing woman and yet, this is not the first time I've seen her mentally dismissed by someone for being a stay-at-home mom. It's just the first time in a while that I've known about which is why it really struck me.

Looking back, I remember my mom being asked why she hadn't chosen to put us in daycare so she could have more time or so she could go back to work. She's even been asked things along the lines of "Don't you feel like you're wasting your degree because you don't have an actual job?". An actual job.

Apparently they've never tried raising four kids. That is job enough for anyone and I would even dare to say that it is a more complex and challenging job than any "actual job" out there.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: my mother is amazing. I'm proud of her and I hope to make my own children proud one day by following in her footsteps and using my education to raise my children as a stay-at-home mom. Thank you, Mom, for choosing to stay home and raise me. It may not be possible for every mother to do this but thank you for making the sacrifices that you have to make it possible for you. Thank you, Mom, for ignoring the critics who tell you you're wasting your time. Thank being you for being "one of those kinds of moms".

Love,
Elicia

An Ugly Word in a Beautiful World

Tonight's letter is a darker, sadder topic than usual. I'm a naturally cheerful person but there are times when I can't help but be sad. Tonight, I'm going to talk about pornography. Now I'm no psychologist and I'm not going to pull up research to support my opinions. Lots of people have done that already. If there's some statistic that you want to know, look it up. I'm not going to provide it here.

Pornography. What an ugly word. For me, words have a great amount of power. I tend to associate feelings and colors with them. Pornography is a color deeper than black, riddled through with despair, reeking of sadness.

Why? Just why? What's the point? All it does is hurt. You can't possibly convince me that is has any benefits whatsoever.

While pornography is viewed by women, it is for the most part aimed at men. But what good does it do them? Pornography becomes an addiction. It's not something that people are happy to share with those around them. No, most often, it is something hidden, sequestered away in the dark. It is desensitizing and the whole concept is degrading.

Pornography is degrading to those who are its subject. They are seen not as people,  but as objects. No one cares what kind of person they're looking at, who they are, what they're like, what their story is. They're just another body, just another object of desire.

Pornography is degrading to those who make it. It erodes their character. What kind of person exploits another human being in that way?

Pornography is degrading to those who view it. It hurts them and it hurts those around them. It may bring fleeting physical pleasure but it gives no true happiness, just a false notion of reality. It isn't real. Those people have no feelings for you. They don't even know you exist. Even if those pictured are the ones putting themselves out there, those who view pornography are still taking advantage of them in some way.

To those who have an unwilling addiction to pornography: Please, I beg you, free yourself of this despicable substance. Seek help if you need to. Those who love you may be disappointed but they will still love you, will do anything in their power to help you. The road will not be easy. Trust may be broken, respect may be lost. But I can promise you that a life without that addiction is worth any amount of pain, shame, embarrassment, or anguish. If you find yourself abandoned by those you counted on for support, count on me to have compassion. Just because your struggle is different than mine doesn't mean I haven't made other mistakes of my own. If you can't count on me, count on Christ. He suffered unspeakable pain so that he would know exactly how to help you. Let Him. Please, by all that you hold dear, remove yourself from pornography's vicious influence.

To those who view it willingly: Stop it. Stop it right now. Whatever you imagine that pornography does for you, I can guarantee that you will be better off without it. Have you actually thought about what you're doing? Stop it. Stop now.

To those who make pornography: I cannot comprehend what possesses you to make you think that this is not only okay, but desirable. Your work disgusts me. The sheer depravity of what you're doing is without magnitude. Have you thought about what you're doing? Have you thought about the real-life influence that is being had on people all over the world? I cannot adequately express the horror and bewilderment that I feel.

Pornography destroys individuals as well as families. How can there be trust between two people when one or both betray basic values? After all, they have promised something of the equivalent of to "cleave unto [him/her] and none else". Viewing pornography doesn't exactly fall into that category, now does it? Not by any stretch of the imagination.

You won't hear me shortening the word pornography to "porn". As I said earlier, words have a lot of power and it is my personal belief that shortening the word makes us more comfortable with it. It's almost like a nickname. To me, to shorten the word "pornography" is to allow it to come closer, to give it more access. "Porn" is kinda catchy, isn't it? Rolls right off the tongue, even rhymes better. When it's shortened, it's not as threatening, doesn't have as much of an impact.

Wrong. Whatever form it is in, pornography is a relentless evil. Yes, I said evil.

I know there will be those out there who will think that I'm being judgmental, that I don't know what I'm talking about, that I just don't have a clue.

I don't care what they think. Pornography is wrong. Pornography is evil. And you will never convince me otherwise. It's a sickening concept and I cringe to think of all those caught in its web.

I realize that pornography cannot be completely eradicated. There will always be a demand, always be someone willing to produce it.

But why is it so prevalent? Why is it so easy to gain access to? There are actually those of us who don't want it and yet almost everyone of us has unwittingly come in contact with it at some point.

If there has to be a market for it, why can it be found for free?

Do you know how many young boys have found themselves trapped in its insidious web? Do you know how many innocent minds have been caught up in this trap? It makes me sick to know that those I care about, my brothers, my friends, my family, all have the potential to be touched by this plague.

What value can be found in exploiting the gift of our bodies? What good does it do? None.

I may be only one person, but I will do what I can to eradicate pornography. Take responsibility for your own sphere of influence. One person at a time can influence the world.

The Whys and Wherefores of Choices

There's always something that's being hotly debated on the various sources of media. Recently, I've seen a spike in the debate about modesty, specifically, modesty for women. I don't really have anything to say that hasn't already been said but I still feel the need to express my opinion. This isn't going to be highly controversial (as far as I can tell but you never know how people will react), just the explanation for my personal choice.

Some background: So as stated in my previous letter, I believe in God. I also believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe in prophets and in the real-life guidance of the Holy Spirit. As such, I believe in the continuance of revelation to both men called of God and to more ordinary, everyday people. I believe in following prophets and I also believe that I can receive a knowledge and witness of principles and teachings for myself through the fervent application of prayer (what I will hereafter refer to as "personal revelation").

I believe that Christ walked the earth and established His church, giving power and authority to His disciples. I believe that over time, this power and authority was lost and that many plain and precious truths were lost as well. I believe that Joseph Smith, Jr. of Palmyra, New York was a true prophet of God who was called to restore Christ's church. I believe that that church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is the true church. I believe that the prophets of this church are men given inspiration directly from God to lead and guide His children.

In summary, I am LDS, also known erroneously as a "Mormon". I am not LDS because I have been raised in the church (which I have) or because I've been brainwashed or don't know any better or any sort of nonsense like that. My upbringing has certainly influenced my decision to be LDS but I know plenty of people who were raised LDS but who have chosen other religions and ways of life. No, I'm LDS because I was given the opportunity to learn about the church and its (or rather, Christ's) teachings and decide for myself if it was true.

And guess what? I believe that it is! (Big shock, I know)

Because I believe that this church is entirely true, that means I don't get to pick and choose which pieces of doctrine I'd like to believe in and live based on which ones I like best. I mean, I could, but what's the point of believing that something's true if you don't live it? You might as well just not believe it for all the good it's doing you.

Here's where issues like modesty come in. The prophets (that I believe in, remember?) have set certain standards for dress and grooming. Now people don't seem to take offense very often about the standards set for the men on this subject. It seems pretty reasonable to ask them to be "neat and clean" in their day-to-day appearance and "dress with dignity when officiating in the [sacred] ordinance of the sacrament", at least to me. And there are standards that are shared for men and women regarding avoiding clothing that is "tight, sheer, or revealing in any other matter". (For the Strength of Youth pages 7&8)

What is highly debated, however, are the standards set forth for the women of the church. These are more specific: "[Women] should avoid short shorts and short skirts, shirts that do not cover the stomach, and clothing that does not cover the shoulders or is low cut in the front or back" (For the Strength of Youth page 7). So more complex, right? Generally speaking, so is a woman's wardrobe.

There are various reasons and explanations given for the specifics of why these are the standards instead of....well, instead of other standards.

Proponents of these standards give the explanation that dressing in this way helps men to control their thoughts. I believe that this is true. It does (or can) make it easier.

Opponents say that men should be responsible for controlling their own thoughts. This is also true.

It is my personal choice, however, to help the men around me. I expect them to do their part and take responsibility for themselves but I have decided that in order to support them in their efforts, I will dress modestly. That's my decision.

Proponents say that by dressing modestly, women show respect for their bodies and have a greater sense of self worth. I believe that this is true.

Opponents say that telling a woman that she must cover her body in order to be respectful and valued makes her body into something taboo. This can and does happen.

I respect my body and I believe that clothing it modestly is a good way for me to show that respect. I value my body and I don't want strangers (or even people I know well for that matter) to get an eyeful when they look at me. Not because I am ashamed of or dislike my body but because my body is precious and I will choose who gets that gift. The fact that the only person who will will be my husband is the result of other standards that I have chosen to live.

These are just some of the reasons that I have chosen to dress modestly. What it comes down to, however, is that the prophets have said that these are the standards that God has given them and us. I believe in God, I believe in the prophets, so therefore, I believe in the standards that are a part of the doctrine of this church.

This doesn't mean that I follow blindly. I have thought and prayed about these and many other subjects and my answer is that these are the standards that I am to live if I am to please God. That is enough for me. Part of believing in God is, for me, believing that He is my Father and that He loves me. I love Him so I want to honor His wishes.

So that is the true reason that I dress modestly. I love my Heavenly Father and I believe that these are His expectations for me so that is what I am going to live up to.

I may not completely understand the exact whys of every detail involved (for example, sleeves: I don't think that the sight of my bare shoulder is going to make the men around me turn to lust and there are some REALLY cute dresses that are sleeveless or one-shouldered) but that doesn't matter to me. I know enough. I can't answer every question about why this or that is required but not something else and I probably wouldn't do very well in a debate but I know that God knows why. Just because He doesn't tell me everything doesn't mean I'm not going to do as He asks. He's the one with the master plan for my, yours, everyone's eternal happiness, while I'm down here stumbling around trying to figure out what I'm doing. I think I'll trust Him over my own limited view.

So there you have it. My explanation for my choice about this and other points of doctrine. It's pretty much the same process in every case: Learn the standards. Think about what I've learned. Pray. Make my decision in accordance with God's will. It's pretty simple, really. Someday, I'll find out the whys and wherefores of everything and it'll all make sense. Not in this world, however, so for now, I'm content to do my best to live up to God's expectations. It is and always will be my decision and this is what I choose, take it how you will.

You'll Never Walk Alone

I'd like to start off by saying that I have been greatly blessed. Immeasurably so. But that doesn't mean that life is easy for me.

It's especially not easy when you're 600 miles away from home, moved out of the ward you got comfortable in, and someone for whom the process of making new friends takes time. It's hard for someone like me (read: reserved and introverted) to be in a place where none of the people that I rely on are nearby.

But there's one thing I've always taken comfort in and tonight is no different. I take comfort in the fact that as abandoned as I may feel sometimes, I am never truly alone. There is always someone there to comfort and strengthen me. That someone is God.

I believe in God. I believe in a loving God who is the Father of my spirit and who has my eternal happiness in mind. I believe in a God of mercy who, even when I do not deserve it, deigns to give me comfort and support. I believe in a God that honors His promises, who just as I must have faith in Him, has faith in me. I believe in a God who knows me better than I know myself, who knows not just what I want, but what I need. I believe in a God of tender, loving guidance who also is a God of agency and choice and who allows me to make my own decisions, even when it pains Him to watch me struggle. I believe in a God of order, a God of benevolence, kindness, knowledge, justice, courage, wisdom and whose ultimate and perfect design is for my happiness.

In short, I believe in God in a very personal way. He is, after all, my heavenly Father. As such, I know that in the times when it feels that there is no one there for me, He is there. He's only a prayer away.

People may not believe and people may mock but I don't just believe in God, I KNOW that He is there. I KNOW that He loves me. I KNOW that He love each and every one of His children. I KNOW that He is there for me, to bring me comfort and to give me strength. I have felt His influence in my life.

I don't believe in God or know that He exists solely because of outside influences like parents or religion. They have definitely had an enormous impact on me, but I have prayed and I have received a witness of my own of the truth of His existence. It's not very eloquent, but it is sincere. I know that God lives and that He speaks to men today. He has not abandoned us, nor will He ever do so. He lives.

And that is why I will never walk alone. He will always be there, guiding me, helping me, and picking me up when I stumble and fall because of my own weaknesses.

He is there for you as well. He does not make mistakes. Whatever you are going through, He will be there to make sure that you reach the other side intact. Our Father will never abandon us, never betray us. He is there. When you feel alone, pray. Pour out your heart to Him and He will fill it with the healing balm of His love. God lives and He loves us. I know this to be true. You will never have to walk alone.

The song that inspired this post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky8_CZ4Y5Sg

Happiness is a Choice

I am a firm believer that happiness is a choice. It isn't the things or events or even the people in our lives that "make" us happy. All of these certainly have influence, but in the end, we decide whether or not to be happy. We make that choice.

"We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect....no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it....Let us resolve to be happy, regardless of our circumstances."-Dieter F Uchtdorf

I love this quote. It's so true! Life is hard but would you rather go through life and be happy each day or would you rather wait around for the right set of circumstances? It's all too easy to think "If only _______ would happen, then I'd be happy" or "I'll be happy when _______" but I can pretty much guarantee that when whatever it is finally happen, it's not going to all be roses and sunshine. There will be something then that you don't like. And in the meantime, you've wasted all that time when you could have been happy. So choose to be happy now.

"But I can't be happy because _______"

Uh huh. Nonsense. There's always something to be happy about. Start small. Maybe even as small as "I'm alive", "I have sight", "I live on a beautiful Earth", anything even remotely positive. Build from that.

Having a bad day at school? You have a chance to learn, to receive an education. That's more than others get.

Having a hard time with parents? Chances are they're trying to help and/or protect you. Disagree with their methods, but appreciate that.

Friends giving you trouble? Remember that there's a world full of people out there. The odds are pretty good that at least one of them would make a good friend. Go find them.

Struggling to make ends meet? Think of the financial skills you're learning! People pay money for those kinds of lessons and you're getting them for free!

Sometimes it's a stretch. Sometimes it's really a stretch. But there is ALWAYS something to be happy about if you look hard enough.

Don't feel like looking? Well, you obviously have the mental capacity to decide that. That's something worth being happy about in my opinion. Being happy is inescapable, really.

Notice something else? Being happy is tied to being grateful. When you're grateful, you're happy. When you're ungrateful, you're unhappy. Being grateful can come naturally but a lot of the time it takes a conscious effort. So make it! It's part of choosing to be happy.

Choosing to be happy doesn't mean you won't be sad or upset or hurt or angry. You still feel all those emotions. It's part of being human after all. But if you choose to be happy, you have a peace that's always there. You can be sad but you know that it won't last forever. You can be hurt but you know that things will get better.

Choose to be happy. It makes you....happy. Surprise!

Choose. It's your decision, your responsibility. So what will your choice be? Are you going to be happy?

For "My Girls"

This post is directed to some of the people I miss most from back home.

To my girls:

Know that you are beautiful. I didn't know it for a long time. I didn't know until I came to college. It's not that I felt that I was ugly, I just never thought that I was beautiful. I had times when I felt beautiful but it wasn't consistent. You are beautiful all the time. Learn this now, or rather, start to learn this now. It takes awhile to figure out that you ARE beautiful, so start learning that now.

People can tell you that you are beautiful and that can make you feel beautiful, but you need to know for yourself, have an understanding of your own beauty. Being beautiful doesn't mean that you're better looking than anyone else or that you're vain, but it means that you have enough self-worth to recognize your value. Sure there are days that are better than others for your skin or hair, days when your makeup (if you wear it) turns out well or you feel fit or fashionable or whatever. Knowing that you're beautiful isn't that though.

Knowing that you're beautiful recognizes that you are beyond price and of infinite potential. Being beautiful means that you value yourself the way you should and that you value others too. Knowing that you're beautiful means that you know your worth and you don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Beauty has its physical aspect, of course. But whoever tries to tell you that beauty is solely physical doesn't understand it at all. I'm not talking about "sweet spirits" or "inner beauty" that trumps physical appearance, I'm talking about the kind of beauty that comes from a confident woman, young or old, who knows that she is of great worth and who is living up to her potential.

Makeup and things like that are inconsequential to beauty. You can use it or not as it suits you. That's your own decision and a possible topic for another letter.

Knowing that you are beautiful has its own power. It can help you to make better choices because you know that poor choices aren't worthy of you. You have greater respect for yourself and as such, have greater respect for others. You are better able to lift others and bring sunshine to their lives. You are able to see the beauty in people and things around you. You are less susceptible to the kind of thoughts and messages that bring you down. You are able to see things in their true light and because you can, you are comfortable with who you are.

Everyone can use improvements in some area of their lives (Myself included. I definitely do) but knowing that you are beautiful can give you the ability to see your faults without beating yourself up. You are able to make constructive changes and better yourself without making yourself feel bad. You're less likely to be negative towards others as well. Generally, when you know you're beautiful, you are happier, more productive, and have a better outlook on life and towards other people.

After you know you're beautiful, you'll still have your hard days. You'll still have your bad days, your sad days, your guilty days, your negative days, your days when you feel like the world is a dark, grey place. This isn't a magic cure-all. But you'll have less of them. The days inbetween will be brighter. You'll be more sure of yourself.

Sometimes, you have to rely on someone else for a while to know that you're beautiful. Sometimes, it takes them telling you over and over, again and again that you are beautiful, you are gorgeous, you are beyond beautiful. Most times, if you're like me at least, you won't believe them. You'll think that they're just being nice, or that just because they see you that way doesn't mean that you actually are. But who sees you better than the people who love you? Who is better able to see your beauty than those who care about you?

Coming to believe that you are beautiful takes time. It isn't easy to let go of all of your preconceived ideas about yourself. But it can be done. It should be done.

Don't forget that this applies to guys as well. Guys are beautiful too. Not in a feminine way, but they have their own brand of beauty. I'm not talking "cuteness" or "hotness". Ickgh. (I'm not a fan of the term "hot" but that's a separate topic.) But guys need to be told about their kind of beauty just like girls do. They might not be quite as flattered to be told that they're beautiful, but they do need to be reminded of their worth. So say something nice. Maybe something as simple as "You're a great friend" (careful with this one; can lead to friend-zone complications if used improperly)  or "Thanks for _____" or "I really appreciate _____". Just make it something sincere.

If you have days when you don't feel beautiful, come talk to me. Or someone whose opinion you respect  and will listen to. Listen as in internalize, not listen as in let the sound pass through your ears. I know that you are beautiful. I know that you are precious. I know that you are a gorgeous creature of absolute magnificence with the potential to become even more. I know that each of you, each and every one of you, no exceptions (so if you're reading this and think this doesn't apply to you, think again, it does) are beautiful. Get that? You Are Beautiful. I'm going to keep telling you until you believe it and guess what? After that too because I know it's so and that you also might need a reminder every now and again.

I wish I could be home right now. There are so many things that I've learned this past almost-year that I want to share with you! I'd learn a lot from you too. I miss you guys. But I'll be home again soon enough :) In the meantime, keep going, keep smiling, and know that you're beautiful.

Lots of Love,
Elicia

I Am Not A Blogger

I am not a blogger. Bloggers are people that are outgoing, usually extroverts, who have passions, opinions, or ideas that they want to share with the world. Bloggers are people who don't mind interacting with large groups of complete strangers, who just can't wait to share news with lots of other people or who at least don't mind turning themselves over to the general public for inspection. Bloggers are people who are willing to let other people look at their lives.

I am not very outgoing, an introvert until you get to know me, and I prefer to talk to people that I already have a connection to. I enjoy getting to know people, but it takes awhile for them to get to know me. I don't mind sharing my opinions but I don't usually bring them up. I'm reserved and like to keep my news for myself and the people I'm close to. I don't like having my life examined and I don't like being the center of attention.* So therefore, I am not a blogger.

"But wait", you might say, "isn't this a blog"? Well, sort of. This will not be a place for me to post intimate details about my life (that's what a journal is for) or a replacement for a journal (I already have one) or a way to share my favorite things or what I've been up to. This will be more like a series of letters. There are a lot of people I'd like to be able to really stay in contact with (Facebook doesn't count. It's too impersonal. Something posted to 300+ people is not my idea of personal communication.) but writing long email/letters to all of them isn't practical. But I still want to communicate with them. Anyone is welcome to read these letters. Some of them will have more specific audiences but they'll still be readable.

These letters will be my opinions, beliefs, thoughts, and theories. (As any letter/blog should be) They will be heavily influenced by my upbringing, religion, and experiences. Aren't everyone's? I ask that if you choose to read these letters (and it will be YOUR choice if you do so) that you read them with an open mind and with respect. You don't have to agree with me about everything or even anything but I ask for respect as I exercise my Constitutional right to freedom of expression. I respect your right to that same freedom. If you have thoughts or questions, feel free to comment. However, there are some rules.

No vulgarity of any kind will be permitted on these pages. If a comment is disrespectful or is a source of contention instead of thoughtful discussion, I will delete it. I may answer questions but I am not an all-knowing being and may occasionally make mistakes or feel that the best answer may come from another source. If that is the case, I ask for your understanding and cooperation. All of my posts will be MY opinions, NOT doctrine or absolutes. But please, enjoy! I hope that these letters will be thought-provoking and perhaps even enlightening upon occasion. There will also be humor and smiles, possibly even laughter. :)

If you're reading this and you know me, Hi! These are primarily for you. I wish I could talk to everyone individually but time and distance don't allow that. This is my solution. I hope you like them. :)

And so begins my "letter" writing. Enjoy!

-Elicia


*Don't get me wrong. We need those kind of people in the world. It would be a very boring place if everyone was just like me. It's just that that isn't me. I'm the other half of the balance.