One Of Those Kinds Of Moms

I had an experience a few weeks ago that really struck me while I was out shopping with my mom. My mom knows the manager so they were talking when a third woman came up and joined the conversation. She assumed that my mom knew the manager from working with her so she started asking if my mom worked for this or that company. With every "No" from my mom, the woman looked more and more puzzled until she finally asked "So where do you work?".

My mom, who hasn't held a company position since I was born, told her "I'm a stay-at-home mom". As soon as she heard this, the woman who, just seconds before had been enthusiastic about getting to know my mom, stopped, looked confused, and promptly lost interest in talking to her. The only thing she said was a faint "Oh". She even had a look of embarrassment on her face-not for her mistake, mind you, but for my mom, who had had to admit that she stayed at home with her children.

What struck me about this encounter is the immediate way in which this woman dismissed my mother, as if she couldn't have be of any interest or have anything intelligent to say, all because she didn't work outside of our home.

Reality is quite to the contrary. My mother is one of the most intelligent people I know. She not only went to college, she graduated with a degree. Although she may not have used that degree in a way that can be easily summarized on a resume, believe me, she has used it.

One of the things that I remember most about being little is playing with my mom. What is really important to me is what we played. I had an alphabet puzzle that she'd help me to do over and over again so that by the time I was one, I knew the letters of the alphabet. I had some plastic play food that she used to teach me rudimentary cooking skills. She'd take me to parks and let me explore and when I was three, she helped me to get my first library card of my own. She read countless books to me and fostered a love of learning. She made a game out of learning to sew by giving me scraps of fabric and buttons to decorate them.

Every day since I was born, she has educated me-and my siblings-in things both academic and practical. (Not to say that academics are not practical, I just can't think of an other way to distinguish the two.) My mother has raised us to have values and standards and to stick to them. She's raised us to think for ourselves and to desire to learn. She's raised us, supported her husband, helped manage our home, been an active participant in our church, and continue to pursue interests of her own. Oh, and did I mention that her degree is in psychology? I can guarantee that she has used that degree innumerable times. And I believe that she has used it effectively.

My mom is an amazing woman and yet, this is not the first time I've seen her mentally dismissed by someone for being a stay-at-home mom. It's just the first time in a while that I've known about which is why it really struck me.

Looking back, I remember my mom being asked why she hadn't chosen to put us in daycare so she could have more time or so she could go back to work. She's even been asked things along the lines of "Don't you feel like you're wasting your degree because you don't have an actual job?". An actual job.

Apparently they've never tried raising four kids. That is job enough for anyone and I would even dare to say that it is a more complex and challenging job than any "actual job" out there.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: my mother is amazing. I'm proud of her and I hope to make my own children proud one day by following in her footsteps and using my education to raise my children as a stay-at-home mom. Thank you, Mom, for choosing to stay home and raise me. It may not be possible for every mother to do this but thank you for making the sacrifices that you have to make it possible for you. Thank you, Mom, for ignoring the critics who tell you you're wasting your time. Thank being you for being "one of those kinds of moms".

Love,
Elicia